it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize