I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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