i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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