Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
