i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
