This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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