Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
