I'm drive I can fine osifer
time to smoke my breakfast
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
