I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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