that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
