dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
