Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
