cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
