and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
