i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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