Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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