well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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