so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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