dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
