drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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