I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize