im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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