The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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