Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
