didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
