Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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