a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
