redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
