tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
