Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
