I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
