Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
