How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
