I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
