my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
