Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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