paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
