I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
