So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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