to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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