I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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