Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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