I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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