Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
