My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
