I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize