you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
