they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
