I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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