I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
