So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
