Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
