I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I checked into jail on foursquare
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
