I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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