New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
