dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
