i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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