You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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