Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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