I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize