You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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