I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
