she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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