she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
