You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
